J.S.
Asylum Letter VI from Lizzie Lobotomy from the Bastille Asylum for Misfits and Miscreants
Head of the Asylum
I peeled off my clothes and tossed them into the nearest hamper. Thankfully I always carried some spare clothes. As I dressed myself I glanced at the small pocket watch dangling from my neck. Father had given it to me when I first became a nurse at the Asylum. It was getting late and I was expected. I pulled my stockings tight and slipped on my white dress. My hair was brushed and left free. I tied my apron back on and slipped in my shoes before stepping out of the orderlies’ quarters. I never understood Father’s paranoia that one of the inmates would escape. Even if they had somehow magically passed through the bars of their cell, there were still the other gates. I attempted to count the number of times I had to unlock all door and the gates once but I lost count after some time. I stepped back out into the main hall and I walked down to Monsieur Bastille’s former office. The occupant of it now was Doctor Sodheim, our Chief Surgeon…and my lover.
*****
It was last year after Scarlet was admitted when Dr. Benjamin Sodheim came to the Asylum. Our former Chief Surgeon had died and we were in need of a new one. And then this amazing man answered our prayers. He was a man of thirty-three. He had wild, and almost untamable, white hair. His face was hard and cold and his brow was eternally furrowed. I had never known a man to have black eyes before until I met Dr. Sodheim. There was something about him that captivated me. A few months had passed and I did everything I could to earn his attention. It seemed to be vain though, until one day I was assisting with a patient’s lobotomy.
“Would you like to do the honors?” He asked in his gravelly voice.
The spike in his hand called out to me, begging me to grab hold of it. My heart beat against my chest to the point where I knew it would explode if I didn’t do something soon. My fingers wrapped around the cold metal spike and my fingers brushed his. I gazed up at him to see his black eyes were staring back at me. Ben brought his free hand up to my cheek and leaned in slowly. His lips were icy but I relished in the cold. The patient strapped down below us began to bark. Ben smiled for the first time at me. He guided the spike in my hand and he held the hammer in his free hand. Together we lobotomized the patient together and then we kissed again.
After that moment it hit me. I knew that once Father died I would never be in control of the Asylum. It would go to someone else. I was a woman after all and therefore “inferior”. So I convinced Father to name Ben as his successor. He was completely fine with this but, however, he wasn’t too happy that I had shown interest in Sodheim. I guess I will always be a little girl to my father and he will do everything in his power to keep me from marrying as long as he can. But when Ben promised that when he takes over the Asylum he’ll marry me. And that means I’ll be one step closer to having my dream come true.
******
I gently knocked on the office door. There was no sound. Again I knocked. This time a short grunt and mumble was heard from the other side of the door. I twisted the handle and entered. Inside there was Ben sitting at his desk. He was going over some book on anatomy. Heaven knows which one. He has so many of them. All I could make out was a single picture of a person’s slit throat. Ben looked up and closed the book. I gave him a small smile.
“How are you this evening?” He asked standing up.
“Alright.” I said.
“How were rounds?”
“Same as usual.” I said. “Lunatics sobbing, cursing, or screaming at me.”
“Are you tired from your long day?” He asked.
“Very much, what does the doctor prescribe?” I smiled at him. Ben walked over and pulled me close in his arms.
“I’m afraid that you are going to have to spend the rest of the night in bed.” He gave me a small smirk before pushing me up against the wall. “Don’t worry I’ll take care of you tonight, Nurse Smyth.”
His lips brushed against my neck and I felt his hands come up to my shoulders. His mouth was cold, as always. With every piece of clothing he removed he then kissed the bare skin. The last thing he removed was my stockings. Ben got down on his knees and kissed my legs softly. Then my thighs and slowly he worked himself back to my lips. He picked me and carried me to his desk. He pushed off his papers and books off and laid me down on it. And for a few minutes he just looked at me. I always hated this part. I love Ben with everything I have but every time we make love I feel scared sometimes. Like at that moment. The way he looked at me. It’s the same look he gives to any body in one of his books or in a morgue or when he is about to perform surgery. It’s almost a look of hunger. It frightens me but then I think that I’m so silly for thinking these things. What person would kill the woman they loved? Scarlet was insane. He and all the others are exceptions. Ben is doctor, a respected and sane man. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I know this. I have to believe this. Finally after a few minutes of inspection he begins to kiss me again and undress himself. I love Ben…fear does not belong in the same house of love. Ben will never hurt me…
*****
At one point we ended up on the floor with only Ben’s coat covering ourselves. Ben took a small puff from his cigarette before blowing it the smoke from his lips. I rested my head on his chest and we sat in silence. I would have to leave soon. Father would worry where I was and this was definitely not the place to find his daughter. I crawled over to my clothes on the other side of the room when I felt Ben’s cold grip on my ankle.
“Where are you going?” He asked in a tired tone.
“Father will be expecting me.” I replied. “I have to get back to house.” I reached for my clothes but Ben gave a sharp tug on my ankle. I winced and then looked back to him.
“I said I was to look after you tonight.” I smiled at him.
“You say that every time, Doctor. Now please let me get dressed.” I touched my apron and felt the bottle of chloroform inside the pocket.
“I said you’re staying here.” He growled. I was afraid of this. Ben tends to be…overly affectionate. He likes to hold me and never let me go sometimes. He pulled me back to him. “You’re not going anywhere.” His dark eyes burned into mine. I smiled and slowly nodded. Ben is such a loving man but if he would just let me go to my own bed and sleep…
“I want to do something for you.” I said brushing my hand down his thigh. “But you must promise to be quiet. Will you do that for me?” He smirked.
“I’m sure I can manage that.” He said sarcastically. I frowned.
“I don’t trust you.” I went to my apron and pulled out a handkerchief. “I’ve heard the noise you make, lover, and I need you to be as quiet as the grave.”
I quickly dabbed the handkerchief with the chloroform that I had hidden. I slowly crawled back to Ben who was smiling ear to ear. I placed the handkerchief just below his nose and in a few seconds he was out like a light. I sighed and walked over to my clothes. I quickly dressed myself and Ben. I had had much practice doing this. There were times when Ben needed to be…sedated. I made sure to not make a habit out of doing this. Sometimes I used some of Father’s other sedatives. Pills, powders, potions, whatever I could use to give myself a few minutes to recover. Putting Ben back in his chair was always the hard part. I was able to set him in after a few minutes. I smoothed my dress out and I bent over and kissed Ben on the cheek. He’d wake up with a small headache but he’ll just think that he fell asleep after I left. I headed out of his office and made my way to see Father.
I stopped by the orderlies’ quarters first. I brushed my hair again and dabbed two drops of lavender perfume on my neck. I smiled as I walked down to Father’s office. I felt a little bad for lying to him but in some cases, especially when it comes to parents, it is necessary to protect others with a lie. Normally I don’t condone this but as I said earlier it is necessary.
I was almost to Father’s office when I heard a loud crash. I heard Father scream. I raced to his door to find that it was locked.
“Father!” I cried. “Father open the door!”
I pounded my fist on the door. I heard footsteps behind me and I turned to see several orderlies. One pushed me aside and kicked the door down. I rushed inside to see that my father was nowhere to be found. I felt a cold wind and I looked up to see that his window had been shattered. I walked over to the window and gasped at what I saw. It was my father sprawled out on the ground. Blood was splattered everywhere and his head was twisted and…
I fell to my knees and lost my dinner. An orderly patted my back for me. I slowly stood up and I noticed someone was standing over my father. I couldn’t make the person out though. The shadowy figure looked up at me before taking off into the night. I ran out of the office and I quickly opened every door and gate to get outside. I saw the body and I sat down next to him. Tears started to pour from my eyes. Father’s face was twisted in shock. Had he just fallen out? How could this have happened? Why did this happen?
It wasn’t long before they took Father…the body away. The police said it was an accident or possibly a suicide, the latter being completely absurd. Ben woke up soon after the event and he held me close to him. He didn’t say a word. He just held me and that’s more than I could have asked for in that moment. Ben walked me to the house behind the Asylum and kissed me good night. He told me that he would be staying overnight in his office if I needed anything. I thanked him and walked inside to my bedroom and fell on to my bed.
I wanted to be the head of the Asylum. I dream and dream about it ever since I was a child. I guess I got my wish.
Sincerely,
Lizzie Lobotomy
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