Wayward Mermaid Confessions And Nervous Feelings

So what do you guys think about the new look? To be honest I just got tired of staring at nothing but darkness so I wanted to add some color and life to the blog. I like it this new look a lot better than the last one and I hope you guys do too.

So this week I have two things I wanted to talk about. The first one is something that I've actually wanted to talk about for a little while now. When I first started blogging when I was 17 I wanted to have a place where I could put all my thoughts and feelings and not be judged or criticized for it. But every time I started I always kept back something.

I can't say that.

People will think I'm weird.

No one would want to read that. 

I never really felt like I had a safe space, other than my journal. Then a few weeks ago May-May and I were working on music and he asked if I wanted to go swimming. I love the water so of course I jumped at the offer. We changed into our trunks and swam around and around and just talked. It was very open and freeing just to talk to a friend about crazy ideas for the future, thoughts on romance and love, and small fears that we were both hoping to get over.

"So what do we call this?" he asked me as he swam over to the other side of the pool.

"I don't know....I always kind of felt like a mermaid in this pool ever since you made those tails."

"Hmm...Mermaid Confessions?"

"Wayward Mermaid Confessions!"

And whenever we want a to have a magical discussion we say "Wayward Mermaid Confession?" and then grab our trunks and our tails and head to the pool where the moon and the stars are our only light.

(a picture of Selene my mermaid goddess)

But I wanted to extend that magic to all of you. I want the blog to be a place where people can say something that they are afraid to say elsewhere, or to ask questions that they are too afraid to ask. This is a safe place for everyone. Here we are all family and there is nothing but love and acceptance.

The second thing is this. 

Tomorrow I perform at the Dallas Academy of Burlesque and I'm already starting to get butterflies. The thought of being on stage thrills me to no end. I can't wait for that but still something in me shaking and partially freaking out. This was something that I confessed to May-May and he told me that maybe the reason why I'm nervous is because I just jumped into the class. There was some thought before I signed up but it was more a snap-decision. Part of me agreed with this but another part had a different reason. I am a firm believer that you shouldn't care about what strangers think of you but we all have insecurities and to say that I don't have any would be a lie. I am worried about messing up on stage or people thinking my routine is stupid or any number of things that could go wrong. I know I can't listen to these thoughts though. Thinking something bad will happen will actually cause something bad to happen. Positive thoughts will make positive things happen. So tonight after I get back from work I'm going to take a nice hot bath and light some candles and relax. 

(drawn by the amazing Colours07)

So that's what I have for you all this week. Also if you haven't checked out my art contest you really should. And one more thing, I'm adding two new segments to the blog. Memory Lane Mondays, done at the first of monday each month, and Tell Me About It Tuesdays where I'll give you guys insights on what May and I like to do when we're not doing C.C. business. Also if you guys want to email us any thoughts or questions (casanovacupcake@hotmail.com) we are more than happy to listen and/or answer.

Til next time,

Icing kisses,

J.S. 

Gone, But Never Forgotten

So last night I spent hours with May-May working on my vest for my burlesque routine. We spent hours, and I do mean hours, bedazzling the back of my vest to make it look like a sugarskull. As we worked I saw the rainbow of colors and I was taken back to when I was a little kid.

 I would be in my grandmother's downstairs bedroom playing with her jewelry and she would smile and tell me stories about where she got all of her pieces.Sometimes we would play dominos and drink Diet Coke and she would always cheat at the game but she would never admit to it. She always was a sore loser. My grandmother always treated me more than a child. She would let me walk around the neighborhood when my mom wouldn't even let me walk across the street. Sometimes she would take me to work with her at the County Office and she would let me type on her typewriter and she would want to read my little short stories. And I loved how every time my brother had a baseball game she would ask me if I wanted to spend the weekend with her because she knew how much I detested going to the games.

(This is one of my favorite pictures of her)

My grandmother was a fierce and independent woman. She always spoke her mind and always made a chance to let us know that we all needed to love each other. We would always spend Christmas Eve at her house and we would eat and then open presents. But she would do something else that everyone would be looking forward to each year.  She would make the most amazing spice drink during Christmas and no one was able to recreate it. We would always ask how she got it to taste so good and she would just smile at she would say it was a secret recipe and one day we would learn it but that day wasn't today.

I really loved this woman. She would be one of the first people to call me on my birthday and she came to every party till she just couldn't anymore.  My grandmother had Parkinson's Disease and it really took a toll on her as she got older. We had to move her to Assisted Living and then we found out later that she had a mild case of Dementia. It was really hard to see the woman that I admired and love waste away. There were times when I was in school and I just couldn't see her but when I did her eyes would lock on mine and she would listen to me ramble on about nothing at all but she would be hanging on every word. 

She's been dead for a little over two years now but last night I swear I felt her. I was back in her downstair's bedroom, laying her jewelry over the purple carpet as she was told me stories about her yellow broach or rings that she was going to give my mom when she passed away. She never knew about C.C. but I have a very strong feeling that she would have been a fan. She was a very supportive person when it came to gay people.  I wonder if she would have liked what May-May and I did.

I wonder if she would have gone to my first burlesque performance on stage? She would have had a heart attack over some of the guys I know but I think she would have been happy for me. At least she'll be there in spirit.

(My grandmother and me at my 6th birthday party)

You only get one shot at life people. Make sure you make plenty of happy memories with those that you love. That way they will always live in your heart and you'll never really lose them.

Till next week, and that's a promise.

Icing kisses 

Jay

Who Are You?

Last night I was with some friends and a wise woman said to this little girl:

"You know what if someone went up to you asked 'who are you?' do you know how you would answer them?'

She thought for a second.

"I would tell them I'm a dancer."

This girl is twelve and already she knows who she is and I think that is fantastic.

When we're younger we know exactly who we want to be when we grow up but somehow along the way we forget and we struggle to find ourselves again.

When I was a little kid I remember I wanted to be an actor or a performer or really anything to do with being on stage in front of a lot of people. I wanted to be on a stage and sing or make people laugh. I had a small taste of that when I was ten years old and I did The Wizard of Oz. I had two roles in that show. The first was being one of the Munchkins that Dorothy meets after her landing in Oz and my lines consisted of part of a song and two or three sentences. My second role was being one of the soliders in the Emerald City. It was really cute how we did it. We had the general, who was the tallest of us, bark orders to the other soliders and each soldier would relay the order down the line till they reached the shortest soldier namely me. And then I would act out the order. So I did a few military marching steps before collapsing on the ground and telling them my feet hurt. This got a few laughs and then I got to argue with the general and I convinced him, and the other guys, that if they didn't obey my commands then I wouldn't march. Silly I know but it was a great scene. Right after that I got to attack the Cowardly Lion and him and I had a lot of fun doing that scene. And I enjoyed hearing the laughter from the audience and when the time came for the curtain call I was filled with joy.

(Me in high school rehearsing The Manhattan Project's Alice in Wonderland)

The reason I didn't act again until high school was because our director was a horrible woman and she ran the theatre like a dictator. So I steered clear for a long time. And I still had that urge, that need to be on stage again. So I tried out for UIL (University Interscholastic League) speaking events and it just wasn't the same. But along the way to high school I found out that I really enjoyed writing. In the 6th grade I met a fantastic woman and she was my English teacher. At one point the students were asked to do a writing prompt and the work had to be a thousand words or less. I was writing my paper and when I noticed I had already written about five pages I went up to my teacher and I told that I was well over a thousand words but my story was no where near complete. She smiled at me and said:

"Then keep working on it. And promise me something? When you publish your first book please dedicate it to me."

And I did.

But that is another story for another time

There were times were I really couldn't remember what I wanted to do with my life. Everyone I knew wanted me to be something else and a lot of them didn't support my ideas or dreams. And I was lost for a bit and I really didn't know what I was going to do but then I found a kindred spirit that wanted a lot of the same things I did. I will never stop trying to make those dreams a reality. Casanova Cupcake is so much to me. And now I'm doing my burlesque classes, which are great by the way, and I feel like I'm reconnecting with that part of me when I was a little kid. I really think that he'd be proud of me.

So I guess if anyone were to ask me 'who are you?' I think I'd answer.

"I'm Jay. I'm a performer and a writer."

So, if you don't me asking, Sprinkles, who are you?

Icing kisses,

J.S.

P.S. here is a hint for what my routine is going to be.

The Many Sides Of Who We Are Part 1: Burlesque

(Some of the videos in the links are not age appropriate. Please do not click on them if you are not 18 years old or older)

So this thought came to me earlier today. I was thinking of the blog and the other times I had blogged before and how in the past I totally crashed and burned. Nobody wanted to read it, no one ever commented on it, and I just felt like I was talking to an empty black void and the only person I was hearing was myself. And then I thought about the blog now and then I thought why am I doing this again? Why am I doing a blog again when before I just got burned out? What did I want to get out of this?

And the answer to that is I wanted to connect to people more through this blog and I also wanted to something different. I wanted to talk about positive things, for once, and I wanted to show all the sides of who we are. So I'm going to be doing a series of posts and sprinkle them throughout the weeks showing all of you the many sides of us.

So, what side am I going to show you first? I figure we probably should start with the obvious. The side that many of you already know.

If you were to ask me a few years ago if I would ever want to do burlesque I would have told you straight up no. I would have been too insecure to ever do anything like that. And this was an amazing, beautiful, magical surprise that came to me in the form of an amazing performer known as Veronica Varlow.

I consider Veronica my gatekeeper that opened the door to this magical world for me. I remember watching videos of  Veronica online (because at the time EA only toured in Europe and New York) and I was mesmerized by her. Instantly I was in love and when I love something I have to know more about it. So I went into research mode and I found the Danger Dame Diary. There I got to hear Veronica's story and see all these amazing things that she was doing like  working on her movie Revolver  or being an international burlesque bombshell . 

So what was burlesque? The best description I have ever heard was "burlesque is where a person goes out on stage, magic happens, and then the performer leaves with less clothes than before". More research lead me to different performers like Vivienne Vavoom, Miss Indigo Blue, or Dinah Mite. I'm a sucker for fan dancers, sue me. But as I went on I kept finding female performers but I didn't find a lot of men. So I turned my research to boylesque (but if you ask me personally I believe that burlesque and boylesque are the same thing). And I did find a lot of guys who do an amazing job and the guys that I really look up to are The Stagedoor Johnnies.

(From left to right Jett Adore, Bazuka Joe, and Ray Gunn)

These guys are a dancing burlesque group and God do I love them. Each of them have their own solo acts along with performing as a group. These men are fantastic and they gave me plenty of inspiration for ideas routines of my own. 

Another thing that really helped with my journey in burlesque was A Wink And A Smile which can be found on the movie's website or Netflix. It's an indie documentary of burlesque and a class of women from the Academy of Burlesque in Seattle and their journey to graduation. It shows burlesque, boylesque, drag queens, drag kings, androgyny, and a lot more. I recently rewatched this because of a little adventure I'll be starting in less than two weeks.

(Movie website)

Now a couple of months ago I was feeling depressed. May-May and I were discussing the future, which isn't really a favorite topic of mine, and what each of us would do when we were older and not doing C.C. I never worry about May. He is very talented and lovable and I know that he will always find work as performer. Me on the other hand? Yeah I do worry. I love burlesque but there just isn't any place in a small town that one can do it. So we Googled Texas Burlesque and found the Austin Burlesque Festival but there wasn't any way that we could attend or afford it. And then another thing caught my eye. Dallas was about to open an Academy of Burlesque. Not only that but it was offering a six week boylesque course. I was freaking out. 

This was a sign. 

I had to do this. 

So I did. 

I paid my money for the course and on the 26th of May I'll be starting my classes. I am very excited because I really hope that I improve on what I already know, make new friends, and own that stage when I graduate. 

Well this was just one of the many sides that is Jay Scarlet. I hope you enjoyed it. 

Till next week,

Icing kisses and love,

J.S. 

I Believe In Fairies

As you all know I believe in magic. I always have and I've always have believed in all magical creatures, especially fairies. 

Now while we were at Anime Matsuril I found this amazing woman selling charms and necklaces. I stopped by her and asked her about a pretty fabric flower. She began to tell me about how back in the day people in Japan would take scrap kimono materials and fold them into flowers for necklaces. Instantly I fell in love with it but then something else caught my eye. Little porcelain cut outs and I asked her about the pieces. She told me that she took pieces of porcelain and then took ink stamps and pressed them over the pieces. The one I saw was a little fairy girl smelling flowers. I asked her about it and she told me her seven year old daughter helped her make that charm and that it was her daughter's favorite. I told that I had to have it and the fabric flower. She put them on a ring for me and told me that she was happy that the charms were going to a good home. The rest of that day I had nothing but good luck and met amazing people. I then dubbed it the Magical Fairy Necklace.

(Here is said necklace)

Now fairies can be very helpful creatures. They can bring life to your garden, bless you with good luck, but what they love more than anything is to play tricks on people.

(Courtesy of Jeph Jacques from Questionable Content)

Click the link to see the full size strip

I got tricked by some fairies earlier this week. I had come home from hanging out with May-May and I folded up my clothes before going to bed. The next day I went to go to town and I couldn't find my wallet. I knew that I had left them in my pant's pocket from the night before but my pants were nowhere to be found. Thus began the search. I ripped my house about, as well as my car, trying to find my missing wallet. I only had  about a day or two's worth of gas, plus I had groceries that I needed to buy and Mother's Day and birthday presents. I spent yesterday and today digging through the same places over and over again. At that point I knew something was amiss. I knew I had left my clothes in the house. So when I eliminated all possible places for my wallet to be I turned to the only explanation left. Fairies. Fairies love to take things and hide them. Its one of the easiest ways to trick humans. They were just playing a little joke on me but enough was enough. I chanted a little lost and found spell over and over and over as I continued my search. Finally after I checked underneath a chair in the living room for the billionth time I looked up and there they were. My missing clothes sat there all nice and neat. Quickly I grabbed my pants and I pulled out my wallet. I said thank you to the fairies for returning my things and I swear I heard laughter.

(from angelajordan)

Another thing is I've always wanted to be a fairy. I've always wanted to fly, dance on water, and play with all  kinds of animals. And finally I've decided to do something that I've always promised myself but have never done. Unfortunately I won't be able to attend A-Kon this year due to previous engagements but I am going to go to A-Fest. And on one day while I'm there I am going to dress like a fairy. I already have the materials to make my costume and even my very own fairy wings. It's going to be amazing I already know and I can't wait.

(Twig The Fairy)

So tell me what magical things do you believe in?

Love,

J.S.

Anime Matsuri

I want to apologize for this post being so late. I’ve been having some internet issues at my house but thankfully that problem has been fixed. But anyway this post is all about mine and May-May’s trip to Houston where we went to Anime Matsuri.

Starting the trip off right we went to bed early, for us that is, and woke up around seven. We ended up leaving the house around ten and began our five hour road trip. Now I love road trips but the only thing I hate about them is that I see so much beautiful scenery. If I had my way we would have stopped at least fifty thousand times to take a picture of flowers, trees, puppies, hills, or roll down said hills, etc, etc. At one point in time our GPS, named Slagathor, took us on a random detour but it was still nice, very scenic. And it no time we were in Houston. After roaming around for a few minutes we found parking and then we lugged all of our bags and boxes to get signed in.

(I told him I was going to post this picture)

After unloading we went to Registration. Now at this point I thought I would have to buy a whole new pass. May-May was telling me that I was supposed to print off my conformation email which of course I didn’t do. So the entire way down the stairs (which is my only complaint about the Con but we’ll get to that later) I was a little depressed. $45 wasted on nothing. But then we get to the line, which was super fast, and I ask the lady if I needed the email and she smiled and said no before handing my badge. At that point I knew this trip was going to be golden.

So we began to set up for the show. As we’re getting ready May decides to tell me that I’ll be doing the majority of my own hair and make up. Instantly I began to panic. I had done only minor, and I do mean minor, make up before. But, according to May, I did a good job for my first time.

(What do you think?)

 He did help my eyes. I’ve always had an issue with eye make up but with the help of my Fairy Ho’ Mother we were off to perform a show!

(“We gonna make you look like a ho’”)

The turn out was smaller than we had hoped but due to the fact we had to change times at the last minute we were just happy to have people in our commandeered hotel room. And it was fun. There were plenty of laughs and we attempted the longest awkward silence ever. I’ll tell May to hurry up with that video because it was just perfect. Another thing that really made was finally getting to meet a very special Sprinkle in person.

I’m pretty sure it was it was Anime Matsuri 2010 when May-May met Alyssa and she fell in love with C.C. She was always so sweet to us and she emailed me a few times asking if I was going to go to AM and the past couple of times I just wasn't unable to. But finally I was and I am so glad I did. She enjoyed the show very much. Especially when May sang her favorite song The Raven.

With the show over and after we made promises to see everyone again the next day, May-May and I went to go see our first Rocky Horror Picture Shadowcast. Unfortunately we missed cast picking out all the virgins

Virgin-Noun-1^st definition. Someone who has never partaken in sexual activity. 2^nd definition a person who has never been to a Rocky Horror Picture Show Shadowcast

But we watched and laughed and then the show began. So much yelling, so much cursing, so much toilet paper being thrown everywhere. Oh it was magical. I loved dancing the Time Warp and even more doing Columbia’s tap dance routine with another girl. The show was spectacular. As we got up to go to the rave upstairs a lady with incredibly long fingernails pulled us aside. Her name was Claws.

“So what shadowcast are you two from?” she asked us.

“We’re not.” We told her.

“But you know all the words to the audience participation.”

“We’re Rocky Horror enthusiasts.”

And from there we began to tell her about our band and how we too wanted to perform a Rocky Horror Shadowcast. She gave us some good tips and told us that she wanted to see us at more conventions. For more on these amazing people click here and like them on Facebook here.

So we went upstairs to the rave. May-May danced some but I laid down with a few friends from previous conventions.

And so around 2 or 3 am I went upstairs to shower, shave, and get some sleep for the next day. Then around 10 am I got up and started my rounds around Artist Alley and then the Dealer Room.

Then May and I stopped for a quick bite to eat before I went back upstairs to take a short nap. Funny thing happened though, I slept for six hours. It just hits you sometimes I guess. May and I got ready for the rave and I had a lot of fun getting ready. Honestly I thought I looked pretty kick ass.

And we danced and danced till we couldn’t dance anymore. I had to sit down for a bit but watched all the lights and that was just as good.

Again we crashed at a late time but we got up before check out, loaded up the car, and did one last trip around the con. We made 30 bucks off of what we sold the whole weekend and gave out at least half of our business cards. Plenty of people were asking us about future cons. I know I can’t do A-Kon because I have previous engagements but I know A-Fest is extremely possible.

Overall this trip was incredible and I can’t believe I missed out on this for three years. I can’t wait to go back.

(My badge and my gift from Alyssa. Anime Matsuri, I'll be dreaming about you)

Icing kisses,

J.S.

P.S. we also have a new video up!

Dealing With Depression

So for the past two weeks I’ve neglected the blog and I’m sorry for that. The reason why is I was really tired and depressed. The week of Anime Matsuri May-May and I spent most of the time packing and finishing things up for the weekend. The following week I woke up and I didn’t want to do anything. Pure laziness and felt like I really let myself and you Sprinkles down. There are times in life where you have to pick yourself up and run the extra mile. So this week I want to talk about ways to deal with depression and get you out of a funk.

1.) Music- I had a pretty tough day at work today. I opened at 7:30 am and worked until 6 pm and it was a pretty busy day. I had to deal with some really rude people also and it was really trying my patience. As soon as I get off work and I turned on my Ipod and hit I shuffle. The first song that came up was Always look on the Brightside of Life. I smiled and laughed because it was really what I needed to hear after today. Music can instantly change the atmosphere in any situation. If you put on some good tunes it’ll easily lift your spirits.

2.) Write It Out-Whenever I have a lot on my mind I write it out in my journal. It’s like the emotions escape onto the page and my mind is clear. Now my journal is really special because I draw and paste or glue things in it as well. It’s almost like a scrapbook. So for you people that journal find some pictures, flowers, material, clips from magazines or newspapers, and start putting them in the pages. Incorporate your words and drawings with your own findings and make it your own. And for those of you who don’t journal trying doing this instead. Try writing out your emotions in a poem. It really helps me out.

3.) Connect With Nature-Sometimes the best thing you can do is go outside for a walk. There’s a nice little park that’s about ten minutes away from my house. I love to go there and read or walk. Also there is a pretty tree that I always hug when I go by it. That’s right. I’m a tree hugger. Sitting outside on a pretty day and watching and listening to your surrounding is a great way to reconnect. And it’s a great way to clear off the negative vibes.

4.) Retail Therapy-Sometimes a little splurge is good. Buying something for yourself can be a good thing and it’s even better if you can find a deal. When we went to Anime Matsuri I had saved up some cash to splurge on myself. I bought books, some movies, jewelry, and a couples pieces of clothes. But there have been times when I’ve gone to the clearance bin at my local bookstore, Hobby Lobby, or Hot Topic and I’ve scored big time. So spend, either a lot or a little, on yourself and it could really turn your entire day around.

5.) Pamper Yourself-One of my favorite things to do is to take a bath. My amazing boyfriend bought me some great soaps for Christmas. I love soaps and all the smells that come with them. Another thing that instantly breaks my depression is using a bath bomb. A bath bomb is fizzy bubble bath and aromatherapy all in one. Check out LUSH or Etsy for bath bombs. Trust me on this they are fucking fantastic. Lights some candles and wash away all your troubles.

Well that’s all for this week you guys and you’ll hear all about our trip to Houston next week.

Love 

J.S.