Update on Followings

So this started off with good intentions and big ideas. There were going to be stories of adventures and pictures of said adventures and tons of ideas and magic and all kinds of stuff. But that didn't happen. I wanted to make a kind of diary or journal for both May and I to share and originally that's how it was going to go down. May would tell his side I would tell mine. We would speak about our ideas, our dreams, and where we wanted to take the band and the show. But May has always been better about doing videos and vlogs. That's his niche, his medium to work with, and he excels at it. So then it was just up to me. But it's really hard to write sometimes. I felt under pressure because we weren't going on adventures every other day, I didn't have inspirational ideas to tell anyone about, and life just kept getting in the way. Just keep at it, we both said, it'll be fine. But then slowly I felt like I was just posting about things from my perspective and not from May's. I wanted this to be an equal thing but its kind of hard to do that when it's not an equal thing. And I'm pretty sure that shows in the writing. I would see May do his videos and I would get so inspired but shortly afterwards it would peter out and then it would be two or three weeks later with no activity. So we decided that the blog is over. We'll still keep it up because it does have some good stuff and why delete it when it took a lot of work to get up and running? We'll still post on the Facebook page and the channel but for our own personal stuff we're going to be on something different. Well, I am at least. You can still find May-May on his personal channel and you'll be able to find me on my own blog on Tumblr. Thank you to those who read this and if you can keep following us still. We'll keep you update on all official C.C. business and we look forward to seeing you all.

Love, and icing kisses,

Jay Scarlet

Get Out And Do It!

So I just got over being sick.

Monday I was going to do all of these things but I stayed in bed, leaving only to scavenge for food and water. Much later in the day I went outside to read and I immediately felt better. Why hadn't I done this soon? I could have easily walked outside, realized that all I need was some fresh air, and gone through with all of my little projects. Bit of a bummer.

Today is my second day off and I am going to do everything. I'm about to go shower and clean up for the day and then I'm off on my adventure.

So, last Saturday I was going to to Veronica Varlow's online tarot class. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend due to me being an idiot and closing the window, with my one-time code, right as the class started. I was so pissed off.

 I wanted to scream.

 I wanted to cry.

I wanted to break everything in the house.

But thankfully I have friends. May was able to talk me down and he told me to de-stress was a hot bath. I lit some candles, I put on some music (because music is magic and it can change any situation instantly) threw in a bath bomb and I turned out the lights. After a good soak I did feel much better and thankfully Veronica records her classes and I'll get to see what I missed out on. So if you aren't feeling motivated take a hot bath or shower. Wash away the gloom, the negativity, the lethargy, and the funk. Put on some music and get into adventure spirit. Do something today and do it well.

Here's a little playlist I made for my magical bath. Or if you've already cleaned up for the day I like listening to Frank Turner to feel energized.

Alright everyone, you have your assignment. Have a great day and let me know in the comments what you did today

Love,

J.S.

Creative Work Wednesdays: Tarot Readings

I felt the need to write today. I guess because the last few days were kind of sucky and I just feel like I need to do something creative/productive with my life. Also just letting you know this is going to be a lengthy so if you got the time and patience read on.

 I got up this morning and I went off to work. I had this yucky kind of sensation and I just felt down and out. Turns out I got to work thirty minutes so I grabbed out my tarot cards and began to shuffle. I hadn't done a reading for myself in a while and I figured I should do an in-depth reading. I focused on what I needed to do with my life because I felt a little lost and I really didn't know where I should be heading. This is what I got :

I'll go into detail about what the cards mean in just a second but first I want to go about my relationship with tarot. Now I know I've mention tarot cards in the past but I never really talked about how much I used them. I did readings during class and theatre practice for any and all who wanted one but I wasn't consistent outside of that environment. After college I kind of stopped using my cards. I didn't practice with them I didn't really want to learn about them anymore. This was all due to a lack of motivation on my part and also I didn't really feel that connected to my deck. When I bought my current deck I felt something that I didn't feel with my old one. I felt a sense of familiarity and over the months I've really grown close to these figures. Before I did spreads every couple of weeks and now I do one at least once a week. I really love working with these cards and I love the stories that they tell me. I especially love doing readings for my friends. May and I always read each other whenever we visit and its a lot of fun. So I want to do something. For anyone that wants one I'll be doing free tarot card readings. If you want to do this via e-mail or Skype or whatever I'm totally game. I want to get better at reading others and I want to be able to have all my cards memorized.  I've said I've had them for months but I haven't had every single card show up in a reading, yet. So if you want one leave a comment here or on the Casanova Cupcake page on Facebook . We can talk about different spreads (there are tons!) and make a whole adventure out of it. Anyway, onto the card meanings.

Today was the first time I did the Celtic Cross with my cards normally I just do a three card spread but today I really felt like I needed to do something more personal. The Celtic Cross is a ten to eleven card spread and it is a lot more in-depth than one or three card spread. So I thought about my question and then I started to flip over my cards and here is how it went.

1. The Significator-The Prince of Swords-This card represents you and your inner most desires to the question/situation at hand. Some people allow the Querent, the person being read, to pick a card before the reading starts that they feel a connection to and they'll use this as the Significator card. I feel like drawing the card as you're laying out the spread is better but that's just my opinion.Anyway the this card represents me and how I feel currently. The Prince of Swords means that I have a lot of ideas and that I'm talking with friends or others about new ideas. It also says that I shouldn't be sarcastic or use words that might affect my future negatively. Also I'm in a position where ideas are more stimulating. 

This was true. I have had a lot of ideas and I've been talking with May  about some projects I really want to try.

2. What covers you-The Star-This card is place on top of the first card. This position represents your current conditions. 

The Star says that now is a time for you to relax and recharge. For you to enjoy spiritual ideas and concepts. To let ideas pour out of you and nourish the ones you love. To take the time to be the "super star" of your own life. Dwell on the positive and not the negative.  Express your creative urges and create or enjoy something artistic. I have been taking a lot of time with myself and I have been working on some ideas I had about stories and routines but there had been a lack of motivation in the past few days.

3. What crosses you-The Five of Swords-This card usually represents the obstacles that you have or will face. The Five of Swords represents defeat. If you a fighting a battle that you cannot win then accept it and move on. Trying to "cheat fate" or loss for a few extra moments is an empty and hollow victory. If victory cannot be achieved just walk away from it. It's not worth it. This storm shall pass, let it, and get out before you lose something important.

This sums up most of my fears perfectly. I don't like fighting and I don't like confrontation. I do worry about how things can play out and I worry about the losses I might face. But this card also gives you a wonderful reminder. "This too shall pass". The storm may rage on but the storm is not forever. Just roll with the punches and you'll make it out ok.

4. What is beneath you-The Lovers-This position represents the basis of the question you have. The Lovers is one of my favorite cards of this deck. The Lovers represent your relationships and how they reflect your own inner balance. Whenever you get them make sure that whatever is attracting you from who, what, and where you are isn't reflecting  the dissatisfaction you feel towards yourself. Also The Lovers don't always represent romantic and sexual love. In this case they represent two allurements that are fighting for my attention.

So the two things that are "alluring" me are my spiritual life and my physical life/career. I feel this deep spiritual need for something more, something magical but at the same time I'm looking at what I want to do with my life career-wise. I have also two ideas I want for a career which could also explain their appearance. Either way this is what I'm looking at right now and trying to decide where I need to be going.

5. What is behind you-The Two of Wands-This means what past influences and/or conditions that have brought you to your present state.

The Two of Wands represents planning, becoming independent, and established. This is the time for you to map out your plans and ideas before going back to the day to day reality of working out the details. So a while back or so I was in the position to map out my ideas and get them started and I feel like I have. I wanted to have a group session with my friends about magic, I wanted to have a list of routines for upcoming shows, and I had ideas for NaNoWriMo that I started working on as well. Also I've started experimenting with soaps and was grabbing more supplies for future projects. This bleed into my current situation and all the ideas that are buzzing around my head.

6.What crowns you-The High Priestess-The card in this position  represents the way in which you want to see the situation to progress in the future. This is the goal you should keep in mind as you work towards it.

The High Priestess is another of my favorite cards. She represents meditation. Whenever she pops up in a reading she is saying take a step back, breath in, and quietly go into yourself and become aware of your eternal connection to what is and what will be. The strength you gain from this knowledge will bring you insight. She also represents harmony with your intuition. And yeah I would love from this to go this way. I draw inspiration from The High Priestess because she is aligned perfectly with the universe. She follows the cycles and the rhythms of the moon and earth and she my epitome of magic. 

7. What is before you-The King of Swords-This card represents the short outcome of the situation. These are the events that must be prepared for.

The King of Swords is all about ideas and not getting distracted. You can be stimulated by ideas and intellect but don't get so distracted by these that you start daydreaming instead of actually manifesting these ideas. Your ideas are important. Don't lose sight of them and make them real. Also be aware that other people who would love to share your thoughts and they could also be stimulated by you. So things I need to be aware of. Stay focused and don't go off into La La Land and daydream my time away. This is a problem for me because I'm great at picturing an idea reaching fruition but sometimes I just picture it and I don't really do much else. Tarot also gives you hard truths. They don't coddle you. They tell you like it is.

8. Your personality-The Magiciain-The card here represents how you must conduct yourself in order to achieve your desired final outcome.

Oh boy The Magician. This card means that if your willpower is consciously and aggressively directed, you can accomplish all that you visualize. You are challenged to go into the world and use your skill and intellect to make a change for the better. Go and make some magic. I really like this card too. This is the attitude that I really should be having. I should be directing my energies productively and making something of my time rather than wasting it.  Well I'm psyching myself up to start acting like this and I'm ready to make magic.

9. How others see you-The Hermit-It's pretty self-explanatory. The card in this position represents how other people perceive you. Your family, friends, or even co-workers could help with support or the energy you need to meet your desired outcome.

When I saw this card I laughed out loud. I do feel like a lot of people see me as a hermit because I don't really understand social media and I don't go out that much either. But both of those are habits I'm trying to break. Besides staying in and not talking to people The Hermit also represents the obvious, introspection. But this can be a good thing. It's saying don't look outside yourself for the answer but instead look inward. This introspection can lead to self-improvement and with mature deliberation things will be resolved. All your answers may not immediately be revealed.  

10. Your hopes and fears-The Seven of Swords-This position is either a hope or a fear depending on the nature of the card. 

The Seven of Swords represents opposition. It advises that to avoid opposition you must be logical and persistent and not resort to trickery and deceit. You must face the facts that some problems are self-created and that only by identifying them and breaking the repeated negative patterns of your behavior will you cease in adding addition energy to said opposing forces. This one was a little on the nose. I already know what my bad habits are. For instance starting a new project or idea and then loosing motivation for it or not managing my time well. This good representation of what I fear. I'm afraid of being stuck and not moving forward. Of failing at yet another idea. I don't want that to happen. If I follow the attitude of The Magician I shouldn't have this problem

And finally, 11. The final outcome-The Hanged Man-The final outcome! The card here represents the result of the entire course of action taken. It is the culmination of all of your efforts.

The Hanged Man is all about getting a new perspective. This is period in your life may seem restrictive but you are being forced to become more introspective, to listen to your higher mind and inner self. Waiting has its place in any plan. Don't try and be a martyr but at the same time don't be afraid to make sacrifices or be afraid to adapt to changing circumstances. If you feel stuck, trapped, or in a rut "pick yourself up by your own bootstraps". Again a little on the nose but helpful all the same. If things are challenging then I need to adapt in a way that makes it easier on myself. I need to look at things from a new perspective and get out of my own rut by picking myself up and getting back out there. 

After really looking at the cards for a minute I feel more energized and more willing to get back out there. I feel the creative flow again and I'm going to focus on my ideas and not let them spiral out of control. I'm going to meditate and make some magic.

 I really do hope to hear from a few of you about readings.  And as one of my favorite magical women in comics always says

(Enter Freely and Be Unafraid)

Love,

J.S.

Overcoming Obstacles

Yay I have my computer back! It had to have a power button replaced but now he's back and I can write again.

So after reconnecting with my inner self I knew that there was something else that I really had to do that I had been putting off for a looooong time. So I had my very first art contest and I gave a winner video a short time afterwards...but I was a little late getting the prizes together. So why did it take so long? Well on many occasions I was going to purchase my materials but then I was out of money because I spent on bills, or other projects that I felt like were more important which is a terrible excuse. Commitments should always come first. Then there was the disconnect that I felt and it really took a toll on me. It's amazing how a certain mindset can affect you. Things slip through your fingers and when you look at the calendar and so much time has gone by...it can be a bit disconcerting. I felt like I couldn't write because I hadn't done the prizes. It had been such a long time and in my head I thought people would be like "where's the stuff you promised?". I felt like I couldn't do something because I had to finish my promise first. But sometimes you need a break to step back and really look at a situation before you can handle it. So I did. I looked at myself for the first time in a long time and I kissed the mirror before getting back into the swing of things.

(A picture where I felt truly magical and fully with myself mind, body, and spirit)

So after I felt my magical renewal I knew what I had to do, I got to work with my crafty self. Doing this was so much fun and I really can't wait to make more bobbles. For a first time craft I felt really good about these. I had never worked with wire before and the more I worked with it the better I got. The next thing was the soaps. I was really worried about making them just as I was with the necklaces but I turned on some calming music and the next thing I knew I had three bars of soap done. I made an extra one for May and I hope that he and the winners from the contest enjoy it. I already got a confirmation from one of the winners and I can't wait to hear about the other two!

(Magical Crafting)

So I got over a hurdle even if it took some time. And for anyone that is struggling know that I love you and I know that you can do this. You can kick ass and you can do anything if you just put your mind to it. And if you want some ideas on how to get out of a funk try reading this post.

Have a great Tuesday everyone,

Love and Icing Kisses,

J.S.

Reconnecting With Your Inner Self

It has been many, many months since I last wrote. I don't know when or how it started really all I know is that one day I opened my computer to write and then I froze. I tried countless times that day and the weeks after to write something but something kept seizing my heart and my brain couldn't connect to the words that I wanted my fingers to type.   became scared, no, terrified, to write. In my head I would say 'it's been too long', 'no one would want to read this anyway', 'I don't know what to write about'. I wanted to write something personal but I have this weird thing where I hate showing vulnerability. I have this stupid thought that when laid completely bare no one will like what they see. Time and time again I have been proven wrong by that.

There were a lot of changes were going around at the time and I just shut down. I had this light, this connection, and it all seemed to have vanished as the days wore on. I forgot what it was like to feel pride and magic in my writing. I kept waiting and waiting for a magical renewal like a concert, a con, a burlesque show, something, but every time I was disappointed. Why, why wasn't I feeling that connection that I felt so long ago? And then it happened last week when May and I were auditioning for a show. We were both having horrible days. Plans to go out to Tyler fell through, again, and I felt like it was all my fault because of my crazy work schedule. May was upset because the plans changed, I was upset because I had a stressful day at work and I didn't even feel like auditioning. I just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out but I didn't. May was sad and I can't bear to see my family hurt so I pushed aside my negativity and we went back to his place and got ready for my video.

As I drove back to his place something echoed in my mind from years ago. As you all know I love Veronica Varlow. Once she appeared on MTV's Made to help a wonderful girl, Andrea, become homecoming queen. Veronica asked Andrea to find a picture of when she, Andrea, was last happy. When I got to May's house I scrolled through the pictures of myself. When was the last time that I was truly 100% happy? When did I last feel that magical connection where everything seemed to sync up and make sense? And then I found this picture:

My debut performance. I looked so happy and I remember feeling that connection to my inner self. The person I saw myself being in my head, the person I always wanted to be. As May did my make up we just chatted about life and things we wanted. Every now and then I would glance at myself in the mirror and I would smile and felt my heart swell a little. But it wasn't until May was lacing up my corset with Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' 'I Hate Myself For Loving You' was playing in the background did I feel that connection I had missed so much. I felt something click inside of me and instantly there was a change. I was happy and I was in the moment again. For moment I thought that I had lost that feeling as we had a couple of technical issues with the camera but after the last try I was there again. I was myself and I felt the magic.

I felt alive and wonderful. I had missed this side of myself so much. Here was my confidence, here was my magic, my strength, my power, my love. Why had I shut it out for so long? Did I just forget or did the day to day life just take its toll? Honestly, I don't know what happened. I just got lost but now I think I found my feet on the right path again. I never want to lose it again.

For those for feel like they lost a piece of themselves you can find it again. Think about the last time you felt that surge of energy, that freedom, the magic of your soul. Trace your steps back to that moment and recreate it. Draw it out, get dolled up, sing, dance, laugh, spin, and reach out. That piece will be there and when you find them, they will smile back at you. 

Love always,

Jay 

Getting Back Up

Boy was it a long month.

I have been having a lot of things hitting me these last few weeks. I had a burlesque show to plan, a Pride outfit to construct, had to get together supplies for the art contest winners, had to pay all my bills, and still try and find a way to make at least 32 hours a week. It just wasn't happening and in the end something had to give. And I shut down. This is a my horrible way of coping with life when I bite off way more than I can chew. I just wanted to do so much that I didn't even begin to think if I could handle the work load.

So I'm going to get this out real quick. I'm sorry. I try not to do this but it does happen and it's something that I'm trying to fix.

For my art contest winners if you will email all of your mailing addresses to casanovacupcake@hotmail.com that would be wonderful. I have most of your necklace items I just need the chains. Also the candle making kit will be purchase this Friday or Saturday after I pay one of my late bills and then I'll be making them next week. And then shipping as soon as possible. Again I'm sorry. I will try to be better and more scheduled in the future.

I will ignore that voice in my head that tells me that I'm not good enough or that no one will care. I will keep my promises and will do the best I can do in any situation.

Alright, I've dusted myself off.

I'm ready to get back in the game.

Tell Me About It Tuesday: Tattoos

I have always wanted to get a tattoo.

When I was growing up my parents told me that there were certain things that they did not want us kids doing. One of them was getting a tattoo. My mom actually threaten to cut the skin, where the ink, was off with a rusty butcher knife. And that was enough to give any kid nightmares for a few years. But two of my sisters, one of my brother-in-laws, and my sister-in-law all have at least one.

There is a tattoo convention that comes to town once a year and I told my boyfriend about it. He has always wanted to get covered up in tats but hasn't because sometimes they can be really expensive. But this convention offers HUGE discounts and he really wants to get started by getting just one. I do too but I don't know which to start with.  I do know that I want a tattoo to represent the different sides of me. So I have some pictures (not the ones I'm going to use, just to give you an idea) of what I might want.

1) Bite Marks-This one actually has a funny story.  So when me and my boyfriend first started getting intimate I would leave all this hickeys and bruises on his neck and body mostly because he has very poor circulation and it doesn't take much to leave a mark on him. Anyway, for the longest time I wanted a hickey, or a mark of passion if you will. And Nate's a biter so we were a little discouraged when every mark he left disappeared after an hour, because I have very good circulation. Well one day he bit really hard on my chest and almost drew blood. There on my chest was a huge bite mark and I was so happy. It took days to heal but I didn't care. So I would want to have a bite mark on my chest where my heart is. To show that someone has my heart. That it is his and no one else's.

2) Fairies-Yesterday Nathan said that I was a fairy in a past life. I believe that maybe I some fairy relatives in my family because of how I feel connected to people, nature, magic, and things of that nature. So what I want is a vine going up my leg, maybe up to my knee, and to have the seven colors of the rainbow as flowers on the vine. And to have a fairy by each rose either smelling them or helping them grow. This I feel shows my pride as a gay individual and shows my love for my fairy side.

3) Angel-I've always wanted an angel on my shoulder. I love angels and I do believe in them. This way I always have someone watching out for me and to help me make the right choices in life. Also Nathan's nickname for me has always been Angel so there is that significance too.

4) The Libra Symbol- I am a Libra, Oct 3, and I have pride in my symbol. I would want this on one of my wrists.

5) Phoenix-The phoenix is a beautiful creature and my favorite one as well. A symbol of fire and rebirth. I wanted a phoenix with a broken chain around its ankle when i was younger to symbolize me breaking away from my old life and being reborn as someone else and taking flight. Now I don't know where I would get this. Maybe on my other shoulder? I don't know.


But those were just a few ideas. This is what I love about tattoos. They can mean anything and they can tell such amazing stories. So tell me in the comments what tattoos do you want or have? And what are the stories behind them?

Love and Icing Kisses,

J.S.